Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
