today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
