i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
