it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
