i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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