i don't like sucking hair
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
