I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just gargled with NyQuil
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
