She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He shit in the fireplace
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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