never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
