The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize