if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
