4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
4 words: hood of his car
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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