I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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