Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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