Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
