i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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