sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
