Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
