I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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