need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it wasn't lemon gatorade
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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