I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Randomize