Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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