U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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