She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
