My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
