I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
