I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
