Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
