Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
