My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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