Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
