Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hello my rib-scented angel!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You are a genius and a whore.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
