So drunk its hurt
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize