I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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