I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
