My nipple is on Facebook.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
