On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize