Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
