I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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