The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
