before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
