so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
