Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
