My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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