i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
a search helicopter?!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
