when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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