i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
