hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
