im gay
i know
yea but for you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
