so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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