the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
