glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
