Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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