Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize