He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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