so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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