4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
