He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
