I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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