We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
