I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
