so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
